V0.7 2026-03-14 (Pi Day and Einstein’s 147th birthday) For those who aren’t familiar, User Manuals are a somewhat nerdy way of documenting what our “human API” is – i.e. what the best ways to interface with us are, what errors we might throw, what requests are going to have clear responses, which are fast and slow, etc. Like most APIs, it also helps to list out invariants - things I strive to achieve and avoid. Finally, a User Manual bridges into my default way of working with others. By doing these, you and I can work out our own singularly magnificent relationship, that fulfills both of us, and gets stuff done. (and there are two of my invariants :-) )

This is a work-based user manual for me. (My soulmate and kiddos get a different manual, more complicated, more evolving, and less written one). I typically share this manual in the first meeting I ever have with a new direct report, as a way of starting our new - unique to the two of us - working relationship. By working together in true sync (another invariant), I believe we can achieve strikingly non-linear positive outcomes.

It’s important to me that we have the discussion about how we work together and treat that as a foundation for what we get done together. Over the years, I’ve come up with some guidelines of how I like to work with people. Disclaimer: I am a very imperfect human (just ask my wife and family). These are aspirations of how I’d like to work with you, not a contract. I will fail at them – and I expect you will as well, in whatever user interaction guidelines you tell me about, even for the ones you feel are most important. In times of stress, we aren’t the partners and teammates we want to be. That’s ok. We’re all on journeys. Oh wait, that’s the first tenet.

0. I want to delight customers, fulfill employees, and build great software predictably.

Everything I do or say or want will likely roll up to one of these in some way, though I might not do you the favor of making the connection obvious (sorry). I want to get stuff done. And I want to do it with respect - always.

1. We’re all on journeys

We’re imperfect. Let’s make sure we make space for that in every interaction. And talk about it. My least favorite environments are where it’s hard to say that something is broken, that somebody is out of their depth, or that we just don’t know what to do. I once read that the best relationships are more about people accepting and working with each other’s weaknesses and growth areas more than accenting each other’s strengths, though that’s true too. Google’s Project Aristotle has a lot to say about this.

2. Let’s avoid surprises

Bad news should travel fast. I am eager to learn bad or even just concerning news as fast as reasonably possible. Being surprised is difficult for anyone, especially in a culture of ownership. It’s okay (and expected) that the information is incomplete. I’ll show I trust you when I say “Wow. Thank you, please keep me updated as appropriate” and leave you to figure things out unless you ask me for help. I’ll do the same for you when I know something is happening that I think will affect you/your team/etc.

Of course there is the slack-outta-nowhere, but there is also just keeping each other up to date on important in-band events. One pragmatic way I’ve found to operationalize this is to start with the hardest / most critical thing in every conversation, not leave it for the “Oh, one more thing” in the last 3 minutes of our 1-1 (from you or me). This is hard but it gets to be a muscle and gets stronger, to the point that I get a small endorphin hit whenever I start a meeting successfully with the most critical thing.

3. We will sometimes communicate poorly

You’ve got your neural net and context, I’ve got mine. You’ve got your short-hand phrases and priorities, I’ve got mine. And all we’ve got to bridge all that is human language - yikes.

There’s a good chance it’s me, not you. As an engineer from age 11, I’m most comfortable talking to computers. I’ve been working on that ever since, and I continue to do so. If you feel I’m imprecise or skipped the foundation, you’re likely not wrong. I also sometimes start with the justification for something before getting to the point, rather than starting with the point and then explaining if needed. I also have a deep-seated sense of urgency, which means I can jump to conclusions. Just call it out; and please give me the safety to do so with you as well.

Non-speech communication can be hard too. We will likely both be busy/overwhelmed and say things in imperfect ways, creating misunderstandings. For me, I am worried that you may read more into nuances of my communication (tone, terseness, word choice, naive emoji choice) than I mean. So, to be clear, and this is a commitment, if I haven’t said to you that I’m disappointed in you or something you’ve done, I am not. To the degree possible, you will be the first person to know I’m disappointed in something you did or that I’m concerned with something you’re planning. So please don’t read things into a terse Slack or funny look in a meeting; it’s almost certainly not about you. I’d like to know just as fast, even if we have a reporting relationship, that you’re unhappy / disappointed / puzzled by something I did as well.

4. I always assume good intentions

Tenet: I always have good intentions, period. Also, I will always believe that you have the best intentions*, and I ask that you do the same for me. I will attempt to speak with good intent and listen with good intent at all times. Some things to read that might help:

• Cultural Hints: Brilliant and Well Intentioned
• The Principle of Charity

We’ll both screw this up sometimes. That’s ok.

* If we ever get into a place where this isn’t true, either way, let’s have that conversation ASAP.

5. Negativity for the mere sake of negativity triggers me

Negative things exist. If everything was perfect, we wouldn’t have a reason to be here working. But I find it important to talk about challenging things in a positive and iteratively improving way – “wow that’s messed up… here’s an idea for how we could make it better.” That said, sometimes we just need to vent and be negative in a safe space. Feel free to do that with me – it’s totally ok as long as it is identified as such. It can even be fun.

Raw negativity is a solution stopper. Candid discussion of the bad state things are in can be a solution starter.

Related to negativity is a way people often try to justify making things better by saying how bad things were in the past: Respecting the past is important to me. We’re all here because we thought it was a pretty awesome rocket to get on. Let’s move forward to make things better – we don’t have to trash the past or prior work of well-intentioned people to do that. It’s a power move, creates fear in teams, and reflects poorly on leaders.

6. Let’s aim for the stars, but keep our feet in the mud

I’m always gloriously happy to talk about what we’re doing for humanity, for school kids, for health, for gig-economy workers, for women in tech, or 100 other things that will help humanity and how the software we’re shipping plays a crucial role in that.

However, over the years, I’ve found that’s not enough. Healthy orgs, in my opinion, are ones where we focus on whether we made today better than yesterday and whether we have plans to make tomorrow better than today. There is a multi-dimensional benefit. First, things are actually better (duh) and second, you’ve taught people that it’s ok for them to try to make things better too. Maybe it’s 0.1% or 1% or 10% or whatever. But better has its own thrill and its own inertia, just like worse does.

7. I’m not your boss. No, really.

All the servant leadership bull aside… I have control over your success and you also have control over mine. And of course there is a power dynamic. But using that dynamic, either way, is deeply unhealthy. I don’t want to be your boss and I don’t want you to be mine. I want us to partner. We both have different roles to play. Telling each other we’re right isn’t ass-kissing and telling each other we’re wrong isn’t politics. It’s collaborating. Sure, one of my roles is to help set your comp and get you challenging and fulfilling work and get you appropriately promoted or whatever - and I take that incredibly seriously. Relationships that don’t work well for me long term are ones that turn into boss-employee transactional ones - I don’t get much value out of them and you probably don’t either.

8. We each define our own working style, amount of work, and work-life balance

I work really hard. I love working. It’s one of my life’s top avocations, along with spending time with my soulmate and our 5 kiddos and travel. This avocation of mine doesn’t have to be yours and it never even crosses my mind to measure anybody else against how I choose to spend my fleeting 4,000 weeks on this planet. Work when you want, how you want, and to an appropriate degree, where you want. You be you, I’ll be me, and let’s just get stuff done.

9. The 95/90 rule

I thrive on alignment. I want us to be able to finish each other’s sentences a significant portion of the time. I want us to be brave enough to make decisions for each other, even if sometimes we know that decision is against the other person’s wishes. Very few decisions are one way doors.

A cute way of saying this is that if one of us is unavailable and an important decision needs to be made, 95% of the time we will know what the other one’s opinion would be – and 90% of the time we will be brave enough to make the decision without the other person present if needed – even if we know they might disagree.

This takes work. We have to get to know each other. I have produced some artifacts (like this doc!) to help you know the human that I am:

* To know me, look at Cultural Hints and Safe Software Deployment: A Series

I’m going to be very curious, and I will put in whatever time it takes, for you to know me and me to know you. Help me do that. This one isn’t quick; it takes time. Time both over a long period and in short intense spurts. Let’s figure out how to be this aligned. By doing so, we can be phenomenal together.

10. Trust first

I’m a trust-first person, meaning that I will start my relationship with you trusting you. I could be a trust-last person – many execs are – but I just don’t find life as fulfilling that way. Of course there are downsides of my approach, but I value the upsides more than letting the downsides deter me. (This “creation of upside vs avoidance of downside” meme is something you’ll likely get sick of from me, btw).

By the way, what is trust in the work environment? Though equations don’t really sum it up, I do like this as a starting point for conversation: The Trust Equation. I even have my own mathematical version of it, because…math is beautiful…ask me about it.

It’s important to me that we have a trust-filled working relationship. And if we feel that trust is broken or at risk of breaking, let’s prioritize airing that above all other things, even if we have to fly immediately to see each other to have the conversation that needs to happen.

11. I detest toil

I will always be upset when I see humans doing things computers could do better, faster, more reliably, or just with less boredom. I will always try to focus the right amount of energy (sometimes small, sometimes large) on paying down that tech/org/process/code/tool/fleet/training debt. I don’t want anybody in my team to ever feel unsupported. That said, there are times to pay the piper and times to charge ahead - but we can make those decisions with reason and balance.

12. It’s not a democracy, and silence kinda has to be assent

We all want to work together efficiently. And to do that we need to tell each other things, hear things from each other, and make sure we move together as a team. But if we’re not careful, it turns into a lot of consensus, most of it unneeded. It starts to feel like some kind of reality TV show where we’re voting ideas off the island. It’s slow and demoralizing. The idea that wins is the decision that is made to the right degree of finality in the right time, and frankly, my experience is that collaboration is essential for that and voting is anathema to it.

So when you share something like a doc or an opinion, be clear whether you’re informing, where you don’t have to ask for agreement or even for them to read it. If you’re consulting, make that clear. And especially if you’re getting approval, make it clear what is making you seek that approval. And leave everybody the breathing space to have no opinion, or an imperfect one, or just be busier with their stuff than they can afford to be with yours.

13. Principle of No Regrets

I don’t want to regret not saying something. I don’t want you to either. I don’t want to regret doing or not doing something. One tool I use regularly is “2 years from now, what will I regret not stopping or starting TODAY.” As hypothetical as that question sounds, I’ve never once had it answered with the empty set. I like exploring current and potential regrets with people as a way to make sure all of our arguments and discussions are balanced. That said, people often try to read more into me questioning something we’re doing or not doing as something other than just being quickly sure we’re holding ourselves to all the right bars.

Whew! That’s a lot - you can find more in my Cultural Hints, in my Techsylvania or other cultural speeches, or in the articles I feature on my feed. I love talking about how we work just as much as the work - I believe they are both necessary and leveraged.

Bad habits I am working on

1. I can and will sometimes be micro-managing

Stop me. Believe it or not, as I do it, I think I’m being helpful. It’s my way of feeling safe or grounded when I’m experiencing imposter syndrome or just don’t understand something. I realize that it is disempowering and will never react badly to this or other criticism.

2. When I’m excited about something, I can still be a bad listener

Two decades of work on this have moved me up to an A- listener on good days and a B- or worse on bad days. I want to get better. Help me by pointing out that you don’t feel heard / respected / validated, whatever, and I’ll back right off and we’ll problem solve it.

3. There are others

But, I believe in only working on 1-2 things at a time, and those are my current ones.

Conclusion

I hope this has been useful. It’s too long, it’s too short, it’s too precise and it’s too vague, all at the same time. Such is the human condition. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

* It’s Version 0.7 because I don’t think I’ll ever be done.